Venting Bloom Style
by Eric Draven201
Summary: Drabbles featuring the DMC crew doing what else but venting their feelings just like in the Bloom commericals. ran out of ideas... so I may as well end this one while I'm ahead
1. Chapter 1

I suppose that this is the part where I tell you that I don't own the series in question nor do I claim ownership of the Bloom grocery stores; then I insert a joke that if I get sued nothing would be taken, because I don't own anything but a notebook and a pen.

I got the idea for some drabbles when I started watching the Bloom commercials more closely. They are pretty messed up... but funny. If you have seen them, then you know what I mean. (see youtube for examples)

Enjoy and please feel free to review. They really do make my day! Thank you all for your continuing support!

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Venting... Bloom Style

Vergil sat on a park bench, surrounded by breezy trees and the ambient sounds of children laughing and playing. Trish walked past, with her hips swaying to and fro. She caught a glimpse of the melancholic expression on Vergil's face. "What's wrong," she asked the blue clad half-devil. "My brother forgot my birthday, again," he paused for a moment before following up, "My TWIN brother." That would irritate anyone. Vergil summoned a sword and was ready to launch it at a nearby tree out of anger. A squirrel froze in fear. "It's okay," Trish piped up, "Bloom lets you check out your own groceries." Vergil turned his head slowly to stare at the blonde. She continued to say, "And we will go and buy out any items that are blue... just for you honey." Vergil instantly perked up at the sound of his favorite color. "Okay," he said with a wide smile.

* * *

"Devil May Cry," Dante answered the phone. He stayed on the phone for a few moments before tossing the receiver back onto the hook. He sat back into his desk chair with a look of utter shock painted on his face. "You okay," Lady asked. "I just got a phone call from my son," Dante replied deadpanned, "I had no idea that I had a son." There was a moment of silence which was broken by a raucous laugh from the corner of the room. The evil laughs were coming from Vergil. "Don't worry Dante," Lady attempted to calm the half-demon, "Bloom carries more than twenty varieties of freshly baked artisan pizzas." Dante smiled; meltdown adverted. "Hey, Vergil," he called out to his twin, "I got the results of the DNA test and it turns out that Nero is your kid!" Vergil instantly stopped laughing and turned sheet white. Payback is a you-know-what.

* * *

"Dante and I have been shacking up for over ten years," Lady said randomly to herself as she browsed the shelves of her neighborhood Bloom, "and he has yet to make an honest woman out of me." "Bloom has silver tipped bullets guaranteed to knock out any half-demon for hours," a random store worker popped up out of nowhere. "Really," Lady grinned, "Thanks!"

* * *

"Kyrie says that she'll only go out with me if I act more like her brother," Nero sighed dejectedly, "but her brother was scary and now he's _dead_." "Bloom has a section devoted entirely to wireless head phones," a random Bloom employee said. "Awesome," Nero exclaimed, "Thanks!"

* * *

"Well... I walked in on Mundus and Nelo Angelo... again," Trish said flatly. Her eyes were glossed, telling that she was deeply disturbed by the encounter, but at the same time all too used to it. "You'll never fall asleep again," a random Bloom clerk cut in, "But Bloom carries over 130 varieties of coffee!" Trish instantly cleared dozens of brands of coffee into her shopping cart and said beaming, "Thanks Bloom!"

* * *

Now I am supposed to thank you for reading and shamelessly plug my C2 community, forum and other stories... but I won't cuz I'm classy... NOT! XD

I dunno... I may add more, if you all like it.


	2. Chapter 2

_Now, the not-so major characters have their turns. It makes no since why I have so much time on my hands! _

* * *

"Today I found out that I'm not Matier's favorite kid," Lucia pouted as she pushed random items into her shopping cart, "I'm the only child she raised." A Bloom employee popped out of the shelf behind her, effectively scaring Lucia half to death. He held a box of herbal tea in his left hand. "Here at Bloom," he announced, "we have over 50 different types of tea." "Wow, thanks," Lucia grinned.

* * *

"It turns out that the girl I met online... is my sister," Credo let out a sigh. "But Bloom's kiosks can help locate items, print recipes and much more," an overly chipper clerk said. Credo smiled in response. (Credo... smiling... creepy)

* * *

"Turns out that there are security cameras in the Chapel's closet," Kyrie disclosed blankly as she strolled past the bakery. "Well, Bloom makes delicious custom cakes," a baker offered. Kyrie quickly slid three cakes into her cart.

* * *

"I was stuck in an elevator for five hours," Patty mentioned as she walked to the deli section, "Also... never eating Taco Bell again." "Well we have ready-to-go meals designed by our own chefs," a stock boy said. Patty broke wind and blew out a contented sigh.

* * *

"My roommate wants me to move out," Enzo verbalized sadly, "Not cool Grandma!" "Bloom lets you create your own six back of beer," a female worker said. After ending his long stare with her backside, he finally remarked, "Awesome."

* * *

"I have... this rash," Nevan whispered. "But Bloom carries 100 different kinds of olive oil," a cashier whispered to the barely covered succubus. "Thanks, Sugar," she returned in a sultry voice.

* * *

"What happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas," Morrison said quietly as he moved towards the meats department. "Bloom sells only Angus beef at non-Angus prices." "Okaaay," Morrison nodded his head showing that he was pleased by this.

* * *

_What else should go here? Maybe the villains are next. Please review and visit the stupid poll on my profile. _


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